Someone Needs a Hug: The Death of Mary Sues
by Kyogi Ruka
Summary: I got sick of Mary Sues, so here is a creative way to kill them off. In this show, Mary Sues have to comfort a character from a TV show or movie of their choice with a hug. Don't look for updates too often, as I only do this when I'm bored.
1. Lion King

In this week's "Someone Needs a Hug", we shall watch a Mary Sue try to give the notorious villain Scar a hug. We shall see if she survives.

"Lion King Edition"

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Blinking, disoriented, the blonde slowly raised herself up from her prone position. Tall and beautiful, she considered herself the only possible choice for this mission. Quickly taking in her surroundings, she drew herself up, took a deep breath, and pressed forward through the caves, making her way by the eerie green light cast by sulfur geysers.

She didn't have far to go before she spotted her challenge, her mission. Down below, she could see many hyenas, scrapping for bones or cleaning themselves absent-mindedly, but these were not what drew her attention. The one that she was sizing up like a pole vaulter assessing their next jump was the lion in the center. Brown fur, black mane, and killer voice. She had already decided that she loved that voice, which was why she had wanted to do this in the first place.

She was easily spotted as she daintily picked her way down the steep path. "Surround her," Scar shouted to his minions, who jumped sky high in surprise, but quickly followed orders. The beautiful girl had no intention of running, however.

"Scar," she said the name as if it were her best friend. "I've been wanting to see you."

The malicious lion eyed her, almost amused. "Oh you have, have you? And why, pray tell, is that?"

"I've been a sympathizer of yours for a while. An admirer is more like the correct term. The contrast of your fur is _so_ much cooler than the other lions, and your voice… it's almost breathtaking."

Scar growled. A Mary Sue. He could smell this coming, but he had hoped never in his lair, his domain.

The girl acted as if she were surprised at herself. "Oh, pardon me, where _are _my manners? My name's Margaret Elizabeth, and it is an absolute pleasure to meet you, sir. May I call you Scar?" She extended her hand.

Scar eyed the hand as if it were a juicy steak. "Margaret Elizabeth, eh?"

An awkward moment reigned for a second, and the hyenas began to wonder how long their meal would be delayed. Margaret broke the silence.

"You see, sir Scar, I know all about your childhood. Mufasa was always your father's favorite." Here Scar growled menacingly.

"Don't bring my father into this," he threatened. "Don't come in here to remind me of a past which I lived and you have only heard about. Get out, and go pester Mufasa if you wish to talk to anyone." He turned to walk away, the hyenas looking as if he had broken their favorite playthings.

Margaret was not easily deterred. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm here to join you. Not that I entirely agree with your cause, it's just that I don't want to see you injured or killed in the battle at Pride Rock."

"Who ever said there would be a battle at Pride Rock?" Scar asked casually. "Wouldn't cunning and stealth be far better allies?"

"Yes, but for how long?" the persistent girl rebutted. "You know as well as I do that eventually there will have to be some kind of confrontation. Do you really want to gamble with the outcome?"

Scar hesitated and slowly turned around as if she had his attention now. "And what would _you _propose, oh wise one in the tactics of lions?"

Margaret's face softened as one would who sees a child crying for its mother. "I propose you allow me into your group. I can protect you on that day. I'll see that nothing happens to you, who always should have been the top brother."

Scar bristled visibly at his past being brought up again, but said nothing. All present missed the glimmer of realization in his eye. "We have a deal then, Margaret. You watch out for me, and…" He appeared slightly choked up. "I'm sorry… it's just that no one's ever cared for me like this before."

_Score!_ This was what Margaret had been waiting for. She walked forward, arms extended. Scar accepted the hug, even returning it. That was the moment he chose to extend his claws.

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Oops. Bad tactics there, Margaret. Ok, it appears we don't have to do anything because the hyena's are cleaning up the body pretty well. Until next time, remember, everyone needs a hug sometimes, it's just how you give it to them.


	2. Dead Men's Chest

Welcome back to the hit "Someone Needs a Hug"! This week we shall watch as one interesting brunette decides to try to win the heart of Davy Jones. We all know this can't be done as it is in a chest somewhere, but we'll let her think it's possible.

"POTC 2: Dead Men's Chest" edition

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The young, attractive brunette pulled weakly at the oars of her rowboat. She was in the middle of the ocean, who knew where, and she had been rowing for hours. Was there no justice in life? Couldn't he see she had nowhere to go and was fair game?

_Whoosh! _ The girl sighed in relief as a large shadow enveloped her sea craft. She turned, drinking in the sight of the familiar barnacle-encrusted ship as if it were her home away from home.

"Thank God! A ship!" she yelled a little too loud to be believable. "Throw me a rope, and I'll climb aboard. I swear I'll pull my weight on your ship." …_of course, I don't weigh much, neither can I do much, _she thought, but enough of that. All she needed was for him to believe she could do something to complete her mission.

A rope came down, but attached to it was a man, all covered in barnacles and clams with strings of the mollusks for hair. He arrived at the boat, grabbed her around her waist, and swung back up to the deck, dropping her in an undignified heap on the crusty boards.

He laughed as an ominous _thunk_ing was heard upon the same boards. The captain of this vessel lurched in his usual swagger across the deck. "Well done, Clanker. And what might we have here?" he cocked what would have been an eyebrow at the young lady who had very quickly stood up and attempted to brush the grit off her perfect attire.

"Captain Jones," she began. "I'm here to offer my services to you."

Davy Jones snickered at this statement. "Are you fully aware of what it is we do here, missy?"

"Aye, sir," the nautical language came a bit awkwardly to the girl, but she figured using his terms would help her case. "And I wish to offer my services, such as they are, because what she did to you was not right."

Jones bristled and took a few angry steps toward the insolent youngster. "I don't know what ye're talkin' about, and I'll have none o' that on my ship!"

"Sir, I mean no impertinence, but I do know about what torture she put you through and –"

"Did ye not 'ear what I said? I don't want to hear a word more, and ye're about _this _close" he held up his pincer, the edges about a half centimeter apart "to being chucked over the side where ye can face Judgment Day like any other human, ye ken?"

"I understand perfectly, sir… it's just that… she did you wrong, and it breaks my heart whenever I look into your eyes. Whenever I hear your song…" the young lady paused, obviously choked up. Jones appeared unimpressed, but thoughtful.

"So let's say I do accept ye. What nautical experience do y'have, miss…?"

"Dymphna. Ella Dymphna, and I'm pleased to be at your service, Captain Jones," she extended her hand in greeting. An idea flittered across Jones' face, unnoticed by the oblivious Ella.

"Ella, is it? What a charming name," the octopus-faced captain accepted her hand gratefully, encircling the dainty hand with his tentacle. "And I take it ye can learn quickly the ways of a ship?"

"I already know the ways of yours, captain," the girl smiled, hoping to impress her new captain. "All I need is your orders."

"Splendid," Jones grinned like a child with a new best friend. "Well, then, Ella…" With strength that belied his appearance, he yanked his hand hard towards the rail, throwing the unsuspecting girl into the frigid waters. "Ye should know the ways of the kraken. Have fun with him when he arrives. Mayhap he'll accept that friendly offer o' yours."

Ella jerked her hand out of the water in front of her face. The black spot. She groaned and laid back in the water. How could it all end this way?

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Oh, this one didn't even get to attempt a hug. Oh well, make sure to tune in next time on "Someone Needs a Hug".


End file.
